What Makes a Logical Consequence?

September 2, 2010 at 7:08 am (Positive Discipline)

I am not a fan of Love and Logic.  I had a whole post ready to detail this claim after I attended a workshop on the popular parenting program (from their statements like “Give your child the opportunity for responsibility and hope that he blows it,” to their examples of sarcastic comeback comments), but instead I wanted to focus on the idea of logical consequences

Throughout our endeavors in positive discipline, the terms “natural consequences” and “logical consequences” are frequently tossed around.  It is helpful to understand the differences between natural consequences and logical consequences, as well as to understand when a response is punitive.  Parenting with Positive Discipline means striving to use natural consequences before anything else; they are effective at giving children valuable learning experiences (yes, it’s still considered discipline even if we don’t do anything), while also preserving the integrity of the parent-child relationship.

 The use of logical consequences is a popular parenting technique, but it can be risky.  A logical consequence is supposed to be one that “fits” with the circumstances, however this leaves a lot of room for interpretation.  What one parent may consider a logical consequence for misbehavior, another might find too punitive.  When parents experience difficult behavior from children and their emotions are running strong, it becomes very easy to turn what is intended as a logical consequence into a punishment.

 So what makes a consequence truly logical?  As a general rule of thumb, if you have to think too hard about what to do to a child so that he learns a lesson, the logical consequence is most likely a punishment in disguise.   To ensure that logical consequences don’t become punitive:

 First try to figure out what the natural consequence is.  We can do this by taking ourselves out of the situation.  “What would happen if I stepped out of this and let my child handle this problem?”  Would there be a natural challenge she would have to deal with on her own?  That might be a valuable learning experience for her.

 Sometimes, though, a problem requires a parent’s involvement, in which case what we can do is to focus on solutions.  Think of difficult behavior not as a lesson to be learned, but a problem to be solved.  Consider, “What do we need to do to solve this problem?” rather than, “What do I need to do so that my child learns a lesson?”

 When coming up with possible solutions to a problem, make sure that they follow the 4 Rs: 

·         Related—the consequence must be related to the behavior.

A child tries out his new markers…directly on the kitchen floor. A related consequence is that he must wash the marker off the floor.  An unrelated consequence would be if he were required to clean up the whole toy room.

 

·         Respectful—the consequence must be kindly enforced; no blame, shame, or pain.

Respectful: “Here’s a wet rag so that you can wipe the marker off the floor.”

Disrespectful: “Look what you did!  I can’t believe you colored marker all over the floor!  You better clean this mess up NOW.”

 

·         Reasonable—the consequence is in proportion to the problem.

Reasonable: The child needs to wash the marker off the floor.

Unreasonable: The child needs to wash the entire kitchen floor.

 

·         Revealed in advance—allow the child to know what will happen if a certain behavior occurs.

“Please keep the marker on the paper.  You’ll have to clean up any marker that gets on the floor.”

 

Something else that helps keep a consequence from becoming punitive is to give a child choice in the matter, and to ask for their input in solving a problem.  The choices a child is offered should always follow the 4 Rs above.

You can either get a spray bottle and a rag, or use a wet sponge.  Which would you like to use to clean this?  Do you have another idea for how you could clean this up?  Would you like me to help by getting a wet towel for you?

 

 When using positive discipline, we try for natural consequences first, and approach the use of logical consequences conscientiously.  We can ensure that these “consequences” are truly relevant and respectful and not an arbitrary punishment in disguise by instead approaching them as solutions.  Our relationships with our children will benefit from the kindness and firmness of this positive discipline style, as well as from the cooperation and respect we demonstrate to our kids.

3 Comments

  1. Glenda Montgomery said,

    Kelly Bartlett’s article is clear and profound. The subtleties that change a logical consequence into a punishment can be as simple as tone of voice and in her examples she made this clear to us. Discipline is all about teaching our kids…allowing them to learn from us and others and the world in a way that they can retain dignity and be given respect as they are guided to figure out how to behave. Kelly allowed us to see that. What great guidance she gives! Can’t wait to read more of what you have to say, Kelly!

    • Kelly said,

      Thank you Glenda! I love positive discipline, and I appreciate your feedback so much. Thanks for being such a supportive teacher & mentor!

  2. Suzanne said,

    I’ve only recently found your website and having been reading everything in “Positive Discipline” from beginning to end.Thank you for providing so much insight; the “why”, the “how” and practical advice so we can to learn to think that way ourselves.

    I’ve always used the idea of consequences. They began as a cause & effect style but have morphed into punishments. This article resounded well with me because it compared/contrasted all three so it left no doubt with me as to how I want to respond. Thank you!

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