I filled out the tip and total on my credit card receipt for lunch at the restaurant yesterday. I filled it out. That’s unusual because it meant I was alone. Without kids. Elia is the tip-writer, so at lunch yesterday I was there at the restaurant filling out my own tip.
Being with my kids nearly all day nearly every day for the last 6 1/2 years has created a new perspective for me in doing things without them this week while they’re at camp.
Isn’t this what I wanted? Isn’t this what I looked forward to all those years, days, moments when I was trying to juggle kids, needs, kids’ needs, my needs, chores, work, recreation, and a few thoughts to myself? Didn’t I keep telling myself, “Just wait X more years and I’ll have all the time in the world to get things done.”?
‘X more years’ comes at us quickly. X more years–year–until both of my kids will spend the bulk of their day in a school building. Away from me. And how do I feel during the time my kids are suddenly away, leaving me all that precious time for myself?
In motion, hesitant motion
Out of place in in my empty house, in my world
Not completely uncomfortable, just different. This is what it will feel like when my kids are out of the house. Doing their own thing, leading their own life. I got a taste of that perspective yesterday. I’m told I get used to it. I know I’ll get used to it. For now, it simply means I feel unsettled when I’m writing my own tip at lunch in a restaurant on a weekday. Elia is my tip-writer, and she wasn’t there.