July 3, 2013 at 6:46 am (Attachment Parenting)
I just finished Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s Intensive Level I course, Making Sense of Kids. It is absolutely packed with useful information on developmental psychology and the maturation process–how children grow and develop and understanding where they may get “stuck” along the way. I took copious notes and will address some key topics in future blogs and articles…but one of the most importnt messages from the course was this:
When it comes to overcoming challenges with children, there are no outright answers. No matter how many parenting books are written, how many behaviors are addressed, how many experts offer you their “solution” for discipline, there is no prescription for solving challenges in childhood.
Dr. Neufeld said that sitting down with kids is new for him every time; that when he meets with parents and children to address behavior issues, he does not have an immediate answer or solution. In fact, he never does. With all of his education, expertise, and years of practice as a therapist, he never knows exactly how to help a family through their child’s struggles.
But he finds the way. Together, in conjunction with the relationships of the child’s attachments (a parent, a teacher, a close friend, etc), he helps that child find the way through the maze of maturity. Together, they hit walls and encounter dead ends. Together they turn corners. Together they try new directions, new approaches, new ways through. Together they discover which needs need addressing most and they emerge from the “stuckness.” So eventually, he does find a solution…for that child in that family. It will be new again for any other family he may encounter.
I found this incredibly inspiring: to know that parents don’t need to have the answers, and children certainly won’t have the answers, but together we can find a way. There is no prescription for parenting; only the path that works for each child (and every child’s path through the maze may be different). All we need to do is show up and tune in. We meet our children’s needs and come alongside them, and together we find our own right way.
There is not any one answer except ourselves. We are our children’s answers.