What do you find most challenging about transitioning from using attachment parenting in infancy to using attachment parenting in toddlerhood?
I asked this question in the API Facebook page, and the response was overwhelming! Hundreds of parents chimed in with their thoughts on what makes the transition from parenting an infant to parenting a toddler so challenging. Those moments when your little one exhibits a behavior for the first time and it’s not the rolling over/ first steps/ first words kind of celebratory milestone. No, more like the moments of uniquely-toddler behavior that make you pause and think, “Hm, this is new…and not entirely pleasant. Now what should I do?”
Despite the variety of responses, there was consensus: the transition is, indeed, challenging. And one of the most common themes among the responses? Discipline.
- Trying to express gentle discipline while my toddler is having a hard time absorbing things.
- Toeing the line between honoring their feelings and disciplining.
- Finding ways to discipline him. Now my youngest is picking up on his behaviour.
Tip: Start with 3 basic positive discipline tools in your toolbox.
There are many, many types of positive discipline tools that help teach children behavior while preserving and maintaining an attached relationship. Many parents struggle with the transition into positive discipline as it can be overwhelming to know which tools to use and when. Is it the right moment for a time out? A firm NO? Should I try spanking? Here are three essential parenting tools to add to your toolbox as a starting point for using positive discipline.
- Prevention, prevention, prevention. A toddler’s brain is mature enough to take on new behaviors—exploring her environment and her newfound autonomy—yet is not mature enough to exercise any self control over her actions. This means you must help with her self-control until her brain matures enough for her to take over. Stay close to your mobile toddler so you’re able to step in and prevent any inappropriate behaviors before they occur.
-Wandering away? Stay with her so you can take her hand or pick her up when necessary.
-Climbing on everything? Stay with him so you can either be a ready spotter as he climbs, or ready to move him to a different area to play.
-In a hitting phase? Stay with her so you can tune into her frustration, stop her from hurting anyone, and move her to a safe place.
-Exploring cabinets and household products? Stay with him to ensure he plays with appropriate items (or toddler-proof the house with locks and safety latches).
- Focus on solutions over punishment. Adopt a “working with” approach to your toddler’s behavior, rather than a “doing to” approach. Work with a toddler’s immature brain development and natural desire to explore by finding appropriate alternatives to inappropriate behavior. If your toddler has a tendency to run into the street, rather than punish him for something his brain is not mature enough to handle (the ability to stop, think, remember what you said, and make a conscious decision to turn away), find a solution that meets everyone’s needs. Hold your child’s hand by the street, or only play in the fenced backyard. If your toddler can’t sit still in a restaurant, go for walks while you wait. If your toddler likes to throw objects, put the dangerous objects out of reach and give her only those which are safe to throw.
- Make timeouts positive. Inevitably, your toddler (and you!) will have moments of emotional overwhelm. The tantrums will come. The anger, frustration and sadness—as well as accompanying behaviors—will happen. In these moments, focus on calming down, restoring your brain chemistry, and feeling better before you do or say anything else. Timeouts are an effective positive discipline tool as long as they are implemented in a non-punitive way. Here’s how: “How to Make Timeouts Positive.” It is important that children understand their feelings are normal and that mom and dad will help them feel better. So, add positive timeouts to your toolbox. Use them to model how you help yourself feel better so you can do better, and to teach your child to do the same.
You’ll discover more helpful positive discipline tools as your child grows, but these are three essentials for the early years. They give you a strong start in handling most toddler behavior issues.