Parenting From Scratch

Setting Up a Kid-Friendly Kitchen Encourages Autonomy

May 20, 2013 at 7:00 am (Cooking, General)

“Meeee! Do iiiiit! OWWWNNN!” This was the voice of my one-year-old son as he adamantly refused help from my husband in unloading silverware from the dishwasher. It had become pretty clear that our little man had entered the age of autonomy. He  knew what he could do himself and was absolutely going to do it himself!

Around age 1-2, children begin to develop a sense of capability and competence. They are aware of things they are able to do and decisions they can make for themselves, and they aim to “take charge” of their lives every day. The development of autonomy is internally driven; it arises naturally and never goes away. A sense of autonomy is a basic human need at any age. We need to know that we are capable and that we have power in our own lives.

This can become tricky for young children. They, too, have a need for autonomy and to be able to exert power over their lives, but  this often becomes overshadowed by our well-meaning and necessary efforts to navigate each day. Most tasks, most days, it’s just easier if we “do it own.” But this is what gives rise to defiance, power struggles, and the ever-popular, “NO!” from our children. This kind of belligerent behavior is an indication that kids are feeling powerless or helpless and have a need for more autonomy. When kids can have an ongoing sense of “I am capable; I can take charge of me,” they are much less likely to try to prove this by challenging a parent at every opportunity.

To help with this with our own kids, when they were about 1 and 2 years old, my husband and I designated a cabinet in the kitchen to be just for them. We filled it with some things they would need to help themselves on a regular basis and gain that much-needed sense of autonomy in the kitchen. The contents haven’t changed much over the last few years:

Here’s a closer look at what’s in there:

1. Bowls. Necessary for getting their own cereal or a snack from the pantry. We keep a variety of styles and sizes of bowls that can be used for other things, too, like painting or for using outside. I love bamboo ones because they are unbreakable and technically “disposable” (biodegradable/ recyclable) but sturdy enough to last through several washings. I bought the ones here for less than a dollar a few years ago, and they still work just fine!
2. Sports/ sippy/ travel cups. Always helpful when you’re out and about with kids, but it’s nice for “traveling” around the house, too. When kids are playing in another room and want to bring a drink in there, they can choose and fill one of their cups-with-lids. Just find a top that is easiest for your kids to attach and stock up on a few of those.
3. Glasses. Probably the most used part of the kids’ cabinet. It is so nice for kids to be able to get their own drink whenever they want! We also have a stool in the kitchen that is easy to slide to the sink or to the fridge door to get water. We use short, wide glasses because they’re heavy and sturdy enough not to tip easily, and our kids like the feel of using a “real” glass. We mix and match some fun colors and styles from IKEA (also very inexpensive).
4. Straws. Bendy, silly, crazy, or straight…straws are a fun addition to the self-serve process!
5. Rags and towels. Probably the most important part of the kids’ cabinet! With kids and DIY kitchen tasks comes spills. It’ll happen and it’s OK. Spills are great opportunities for learning that mistakes are OK. Just teach them where the rags are and how to clean up a spill. It’s funny…no matter where we may be in the house, my kids will run to their kitchen cabinet to get a rag for a spill because they KNOW they’re there. We may have towels in the same room we’re in, but this has become their go-to spot! So, have a thick supply of easy-to-reach cloths available for  kids to clean up after themselves…wherever they may be.
6. Plates. A few plates are helpful for getting snacks or making painting palates. We like fun, colorful ones for the kids’ cabinet.

Also keep in mind that this cabinet is useless if kids aren’t able to access the food and drink they’re looking for. S0 along with creating this kind of self-serve space, consider these other essentials for a kid-friendly kitchen:

Fridge

Find a height-appropriate place to store snacks to which you’re OK with your kids helping themselves. For us, it’s fruit, vegetables, cheese sticks, jam for their toast, dip, dressing, and condiments (for…well, everything it seems!), and milk. I used to keep our milk on the very top shelf of the fridge only because that’s where I had always been accustomed to reaching for it. But I’ve since moved it to the lower shelf so my children can pour their own milk at mealtimes. I keep the juice up high because I prefer to decide when they get juice to drink.

Pantry

Designate one child-high shelf for kids’ pantry snacks. Ours is at their eye level so they can easily see what is available.

We also have an air popper on this shelf because they love to make their own popcorn for a snack!

You can see the jars have labels…this was their idea and a great way to add even more ownership to their shelf. They enjoyed using our label maker to identify their snacks…things like…

…and…

…”dried mangoes.”

Having your children’s snacks and supplies doesn’t necessarily mean they will be snacking 24/7. It just means that when it is time for a snack or when they want something to drink, they are able to help themselves.

What if you don’t have a lot of space in your kitchen and pretty much need all of your cabinet space for storage? See what you can consolidate and possibly make room on just one shelf in one cabinet for their essential supplies. Any small space that’s “Their Own” will help give kids a sense of confidence and personal power in the kitchen, which will carry over into other areas of their lives. For limited space, narrow it down to the bare necessities: cups and rags. Kids at least need to be able to get themselves a drink without asking, and they need to be able to clean that drink up if it ends up on the floor. Any more than items that is beneficial, but that’s a great place to start.

Autonomy begins early in life, and strengthens only with opportunity. Adapting your kitchen to be kid-friendly is one way to give children that opportunity to feel confident and capable–to demonstrate that they can, indeed, “do it own!”

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The Candy Dilemma

November 3, 2011 at 10:35 am (Cooking, General)

I have issues with candy. I don’t mean sweets in general, but candy. Not homemade candy, either, but the mass-manufactured kind that comes pre-wrapped in plastic and tiny boxes. With this I have problems.

1. As a mom, it adds much too much stress to my life. “Can I have a piece of candy? Can I have this candy? When can we have our candy? Hey mom, can I have candy now?”

2. It’s nutritionally devoid. Our kids are…kids. They’re growing leaps and bounds every day. Candy certainly doesn’t help that process, and it takes up room in their bellies for high quality, nutritious food they might otherwise eat at meal time.

3. It’s gastronomically detrimental. The flavors that have been engineered for that candy are designed to get you to want more. They also get you accustomed to enjoying artificial flavors.

4. It’s everywhere. Besides the candy-yielding holidays and events that pop up throughout the year, my kids keep an unofficial record of the local business establishments that are equipped with bowls of candy on the counters. This always determines their desire to come in when we’re running errands. And once inside…”Hey mom, can I have a candy? Can I have one piece of candy?”

Now, I must say, I am not opposed to desserts. Like this:

Only mass-manufactured candy. Like this:

I never want my kids to have it. There’s just not ever a good time for them to put such “food” into their growing bodies. At this point in my rant, candy lovers everywhere probably want to yell at me to lighten up. And even I have to ask myself,

“What in the world is my problem?!” Can’t I just accept this small part of life and allow my kids to enjoy a childhood with candy?

Every year at this time, I search for a way to balance my candy neurosis with my kids’ unyielding desire for the stuff, and also with my goal of teaching them about healthful foods and the concept of moderation. Self moderation. Which means in order to learn how to manage their candy intake, they have to be in control of it themselves.

If I’m in charge of the answer to “Can I have candy?” it’s going to be “No; no one needs manufactured candy, ever!” If they are in charge, the answer is, “Yes; always and only!” Moderation lies somewhere in the middle, and to find it we seem to need to experience both extremes.

So on Tuesday of this week, we embraced Candy. Tuesday was all-you-can-eat candy day. It started at 6:30 in the morning and ended 2 hours before bedtime. They were in charge of their candy decisions that day. They could base them off of their hunger, their cravings, the well-being of their tummies, or the level of their boredom, so long as they please, please don’t ask me if they can have a piece of candy.

The picture from above? The one displaying a ready-to-eat assortment of candies? That was my son’s lunch.

JJ complained of a tummy ache one time that day, at which point…he stopped eating candy. (For a bit.) Wednesday went back to me rationing out the candy for them, but by then they’d had quite a fill of it. It wasn’t nearly as tempting.

We certainly can’t do all-you-can-eat candy day every day; our kids are just not old enough to have free reign of their candy decisions. But Tuesday’s experience was indeed helpful in learning some personal limits. I do think we’ll do it again, even before next Halloween. At least for our kids who have an insatiable sweet tooth and seemingly iron stomachs, I think it’s important that they experience the difference between no candy and all candy. I want to allow them as much freedom as possible to make their own decisions about food (or “food,” as the case may be). With our help, they’ll find moderation for themselves.

In a few months, after their little systems have thoroughly cleansed, we’ll try Kids-in-Charge-of-Candy day again. Now if you’ll excuse me, there are two eyes peeking at me over the back of my laptop and a muffled voice urgently inquiring, “Mom, can I have another piece of candy?”

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