Connecting Over Cartoons
When JJ was 5, he used to love watching Ninjago. It was a weekly half-hour show about Lego ninja that he looked forward to immensely.
Whenever the show came on, my first thought was always that I could get a few things done while he was watching it–like cleaning, getting dinner started, or finishing the laundry. But really, the show was just not long enough for me to get a lot of tasks done. Throw in the fact that I had to help him fast forward through commercials, and my time spent doing anything else was not very productive. So although I didn’t have a huge interest in ninja or cartoons, I ended up sitting down and watching the show with him every week.
After a season of doing this, I could tell you exactly how much my son LOVED this series and why. I knew what his favorite parts were and who his favorite characters are. Because I’d seen the episodes, I understood exactly what he was describing to me when we played “ninjas” during our daily one-on-one time.
As we watched the show each week, we’d talk about it and say things like, “Uh-oh! Now what’s he going to do?” We laughed at the jokes together, and made guesses as to how the episode would end. When the characters treated each other rudely, I’d say, “Oh, why did they do that? I wonder how the other guy feels?”
I was so surprised at how watching this show together helped JJ and me grow closer. I often feel worlds apart from him in our interests and personalities, but even that small weekly bit of TV time together helped us understand each other. He understands that I can appreciate something he loves, even if I don’t love it as much as he does, and I understand a little bit more about what makes him tick.
Screen time doesn’t have to come between parents and children! Use it in a way that helps you get to know each other…sit down together, watch it from your children’s perspective, show an understanding of why they like it…It’s possible for screen time to help bring you closer together.
A Tip For Throwing Food
Always aim for the chest so you can get maximum splatter, yet minimal harm.
Oh wait, not that kid of tip…how about a tip for when your child is the one throwing food? Yeah, that’s probably what you were hoping for. So your child is one, two, three years old? And has entered a phase in which is is fun and exciting to throw the food from her plate instead of eating it politely?
The #1 tip for this problem is: Don’t serve your child food to throw.
Serve her food to eat only. This means giving her no more food than she can eat in one bite.
If she has a plate full of food, there’s one bite for eating and tons of bites for throwing and playing with while she’s chewing.
Even if you try to narrow that opportunity down by portioning out three bites of food at a time, that still gives her one bite to eat and two bites for throwing while she’s chewing.
Take that opportunity all the way down to zero by serving her one bite of food at a time. That’s one bite for eating and…well, that’s it. You’re eliminating the chance of her throwing her food.
When you get to the point at which you’re serving her another bite of food and she throws it instead of eats it, that’s your cue that she’s all done. You can say, “Oh, you must be all done eating!” Wipe her hands and excuse her to play.
But, you ask, what if she’s still hungry?
She would have eaten the food in front of her.
What if she gets hungry in just a short while because she didn’t eat her meal?
Yes, she may be hungry soon. She can either wait until the regularly planned snack time (at which she is offered the regularly sized snack to eat) or she can wait until the next meal. She’ll make it. And she’ll be hungry and ready to eat, not throw.
The food-throwing phase is just that: a phase. It can be a difficult one because of the careful monitoring of food at each meal and the potential for hunger-induced behavior between meals. But it’s not cause for shaming or scolding a child for what is developmentally normal behavior, nor repeatedly issuing the same instructions of, “Don’t throw food,” nor catering to your child’s pleas for snacks because she literally threw her food away mealtime.
Your child is simply very, very young and driven by sensory experiences. She lacks the neural connections in her brain to control the impulse to play with her food. She will soon develop this and mealtimes will go smoothly. To help with this need for sensory stimulation during this age, you can also plan playtime activities that offer the same kinds of sensations as playing with food. Things such as shaving cream or whipped cream tubs, rice or bean bins, finger painting, or body art offer toddlers the same kinds of tactile sensory experiences without the expectation of appropriate table manners. This free play will help satisfy those sensory needs while she outgrows the instinct to throw food.
(But if you are ever in a food throwing situation yourself, try getting down low and aiming up for a great splatter to the neck and face. And use something light, like whipped cream. Way fun.)
Latest Work and Projects
I’ve been quiet on the blog for a couple of weeks! Last week my kids had the entire week off school because of the Thanksgiving holiday. And when they’re home, most thoughts of blogging leave my mind. Instead we spend time, relaxing, playing, hanging out, sleeping in…Occasionally a thought will pop into my head, “Oh, I should write a post about this,” (whatever we’re doing). And then I think, “Nah, I’d rather just be present right now and enjoy this moment with my kids.” So I forgo writing in favor of living!
But I’m getting back in the swing of things this week and catching up on some projects. I have a few non-bloggy things in the works…
My main project right now is a new ebook. Jane Nelsen (author and founder of Positive Discipline) and I are collaborating on creating a resource about screen time and what it takes to raise kids in a digital age. I don’t know about your family, but screen time is an ongoing an issue for ours (we sure like our gadgets here!), and I am excited to be able put together a book of tips and tools for managing media the Positive Discipline way.
I also have an article out in the current issue of Green Child magazine on encouraging a child’s autonomy. Lots of ways kids can help out and build skills and confidence!
I recently wrote a series on toddlerhood for Attachment Parenting International. It started out as a conversation starter on Facebook…I had posted the question, “What do you find to be the hardest thing about transitioning from parenting an infant to parenting a toddler?” and I was overwhelmed with responses! Clearly, there are many challenges. But there were so many that parents shared, I decided to respond to as many as I could. By the time I was done addressing the most common areas of concern, I had a response that was way too long to be just one post, so I broke it into…five! This is the 5-part series I put together based on the many thoughts on the challenges of toddlerhood:
Part 1: Three essential parenting tools to have in your toddler toolbox
Part 2: Setting limits with kindness and firmness
Part 3: How to handle the NO!s and tantrums of toddlerhood with respect, empathy, and acceptance
Part 4: Understanding aggression and how to not take your toddler’s strong emotions personally
Part 5: Understanding needs versus wants
There is a new book soon to be released called Face to Face that I’m very honored to have contributed to! It’s kind of an anthology of articles, research, tips, activities, and essays from parent educators, psychologists, pediatricians, and other parenting professionals (heavy on the Positive Discipline contributors). Face to Face is packed with information on family connection, outside influences, friendship, bullying, and resilience–all coming from the angle of helping kids cultivate strong personal connections while understanding that we live in an a increasingly digital world. An excellent resource for parents, teachers, and all all types of childcare professionals…you are guaranteed to find something that will help you in here!
I have been very excited lately because my own book, Encouraging Words for Kids, has been shipping to schools! Educators and administrators from around the United States have been contacting me saying they’re going to incorporate it into their teacher trainings and staff development programs. I cannot tell you how encouraging this news is! I, of course, love it to hear from parents who are getting a lot of value from this little book, but I’m thrilled that teachers also want to bring the language of encouragement into their schools! So, if you need a great gift for your child’s teacher this holiday season, here’s a perfect fit.
Parenting From Scratch 